You can’t see the full outfit, but the total effect was pretty badass.
Anyway, I’ve been terrible about updating for two reasons:
1. Despite all of the promises that Leo’s visa situation would be resolved by the end of September AT THE LATEST, there has been absolutely no progress. Every day that passes now feels further from any sort of resolution and not closer to a reunion. It’s unbelievably painful. At this point, I think we’ll have to change his ticket again (he’s got one for the end of November). I just want to be able to spend Christmas together, but I very much doubt that it will happen.
2. Grad school is hellish (and I actually mean that in the best possible way). I picked this department because it was in Canada, I liked Vancouver, and they had a Program on Water Governance. It turns out that this is an outstanding department in the Geography world, and compared to my peers (and, God forbid, the professors), my work is middling – at best. It’s beyond humbling.
Grad school-related insecurities are quite unforgiving. For once, success it’s not based on how pretty you are, who you know, your social intelligence (not in the least!), or even how hard you work (because we all spend every waking hour working). It’s about how clever you are. Plain and simple. And that cuts closer to the core of who you are than almost any other measure. Now, multiply those insecurities by exposure to true brilliance several times over, and you’ve got my current situation.
Then there’s the work load. To do the absolute bare minimum, I worked out that I would need to spend 65 hours per week on school work. That’s just to keep my head above water. Doing a good job would require me to put in closer to 80. There comes a point at which you have to deny yourself essentials in other parts of your life – like human contact (in case you ever wondered why academics are the way they are).
Of course, I still love grad school (it’s sick, I know). I wanted to be here because I love to learn, teach, and write. Moreover, I have a great many burning questions about water governance that I would like to try to answer. But that said, I’m not convinced that I can cut it. I also really wish I could get more than 6 hours of sleep a night…